When one considers the current state of Jamaica’s school system - a system that once gave our young migrants a distinct advantage in classrooms overseas, particularly in the areas of reading and comprehension - it boggles the mind to think that our own news media is complicating the problem by broadcasting the news in patois.

But amazingly, its true.

Now, while its clear that the programming geniuses at CVM-TV are probably under some pressure to attract viewers back from their competitors (a couple of hard drives that repeat dancehall videos 24 hours a day), concerned Jamaicans should be reminded that they also broadcast on the Internet for all to see, thereby making this sort of embarrassment a little harder to deny for the typical Jamaican traveller.

Isn’t it bad enough that normal Jamaicans are constantly forced to answer questions about Dancehall, homophobia and ganja without also having to explain that not everyone in Jamaica is functionally illiterate?

Of course, this isn’t the first time such empty-headed foolishness has been suggested. Just last week the Bible Society of the West Indies announced a J$60 million project to translate the Bible into patois, a language of oral tradition that has no universal written code.

Okay CVM, lets start the translation with an appropriate word: Retrograde \Re”tro*grade\

*Update to this story: CVM has denied The Observer’s claim that it plans to broadcast the news in Patois. However the vice president of broadcast services, Jennifer Grant says that “a sampling of news presented in patois” will be part of a three-part series looking at the role of media in communication and the use of patois in education.

Poor.